Thursday, September 30, 2004

i officially turned 19 years old tdy... n how did i spend the day? lying on my bed stdying 'applied research' since i woke up... the weather was rainy n cold, so it felt like sleepy-time the whole day. i hafta say, this year my birthday very low profile. nt dat i'm an attention-grub... juz a very different feel frm all the birthdays i've had... esp compared to last yr...

but well... i'm glad i spent the time having dinner with some of my beloved bros n sis ydae... well, it was wendy's bdae ydae, so it was more abt her... hee. but it was nice dat some of them rmbred my bdae... pple whom i din expect to noe. rcved presents n well-wishes frm some i dun noe well, so sweet! we din do much ydae... juz ate at dis jap restaurant in taka, den actually wanted to play arcade (heh), but arcade closed... wanted to watch midnite movie but most gotta work. so we juz sat down at cafe cartel in PS n the guys ate again. haha...

i was so elated when we were like dat. together. expected some, but rcv only a bit back. but it's alrite... He noes my desires... He loves me more than i love myself, n He makes everything beautiful in its time.

well... God dropped something in my heart tdy, His birthday gift to me... was a new revelation of His love. so simple, yet so powerful to live by. my greatest gift from Him, is this gift of life, to be loved by Him... lavished upon with His love n blessings... to be loved by others He has placed in my life, n to love them out of the overflow of His love in my heart. it is no coincidence dat each one of u has been placed in my life for this season... precious pple i love placed in my life for me to learn frm n grow with. at the end of the day, it's all dat matters isn't it? God isn't interested in how smart we r, or how much we've achieved in life... wat matters to Him most is our relationship wif Him, n wif other pple... bcos these r the only man-made things besides Jesus' wounds dat'll remain 4eva in Heaven... well, my birthday may have been quiet. but i feel my blessings r eternally flowing into my life bcos of His very first gift to me! everyday is a reason to celebrate!! =)

I am my Beloved's, and His desire is towards me!

posted at 11:44 PM

Monday, September 27, 2004

posted at 5:51 PM

Sunday, September 19, 2004

i had a really gd time tdy... like, i spent the sunday like how a sunday shld be spent. haha... if dat makes any sense. i was supposed to wake up early to go sentosa for a foto-shoot for my project, but i overslept!! :"( felt so sorry for my grpmates... i din oversleep on purpose leh, i slept at 3am doing my part of the project... supposed to be at sentosa at 9am, but i only woke up at 10am. ok anyway, i was oso happy lah, cos can go church early- rest n refreshing! :) met up with yingling to go church together... i was glad she came, mostly cos i knew God's working in her heart n whispering His love in her... the desire in her to know God more is amazing. i'm so excited dat she's coming to noe the blessings of noeing God's very personal love for her! it was gd to hang out n chat over coffee wif her too... we went to nydc n enjoyed coffee n cookie monster mudcake!! *drool* soooo gd...... really nice to be able to just relax n chat with her after so long nv see... praise God for her in my life, we've been frens for 12 yrs! haha...

i served for ambs campus counter duty tdy... it's amazing, God has really transformed me in dat i'm nt so self-conscious anymore... i was the only girl there, n i din really noe the others well. but i truly enjoyed myself, cos i got to chat wif a lot of campus pple... it's exciting to serve, cos it is God hu first serves me to overflow! there is nothing i can offer God, but He has EVERYTHING to give to me! n it's my honour n blessing to be dat vessel to pour His overflow love into others' lives...

i finally let her noe who. she already knew it thru the Spirit. praise God, i believe we're both encouraging each other in the Lord, n we're learning on this journey together... it's exciting! but i pray the Lord puts His hand on us, cover us n guide us with His love... noeing His love for us is the key to noeing His will for us...!



posted at 9:28 PM

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

posted at 9:45 AM

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

finally. 2 mths of pent-up feelings let loose tdy. for so long i've kept mum abt it. for so long i've been watching n crying out in my heart. how can u watch someone u love knowingly go down the way dat will only lead to heartbreak? can't tell no one except him. even den, dun wanna make him worry for me too. only he noes n i noe. n finally now another loved one noes. had a long chat wif her, n i felt like 2 mths of restrain juz "whoosh" out of me. we all do love her ever so dearly... we juz dun want her to get hurt... but well, we hafta learn to let go n let God. we are His beloved, He will NEVER EVER let go of us or let us get hurt!

perhaps it has set me tinking on my own feelings too... there are things i want now in my life, but seeing n hearing wat others say abt it, i sometimes wonder whether it will be the same for my life? i really want them, n it looks sweet to me... yet it is bitter for others now. but u noe wat, like pastor prince n lynne shared, once u noe how so intensely in love Jesus is with u, u will NEVER settle for anything less than the best which He has for us! hallelujah, praise Jesus... He makes everything beautiful in its time!

Lord, i wanna fall so deeply in love with u... You're my greatest Lover, n You're my best Friend! thank You that You hold me in ur loving arms of embrace forever, i love You because You first loved me n gave Your life to die for me!

posted at 1:08 AM

Saturday, September 11, 2004

i juz got hme frm campus ministry ambassadors party at marine cove... well, i almost din go. maybe even din want to go. cos... nbdy hu's an amb frm my cg was going initially. i was like, terrified at the thought of having to be there "alone", nt noeing anyone well. how ironic. it's like, an ambs party can. well anyway, i went, cos i made up my mind to step out of my comfort zone. wendy n regan did attend too. i hafta admit, i wanted to back out oso cos i've got SOOOOOO much work to fin... applied research is SO entertaining, tourism marketing is SO exhilarating, comm skills is juz SO marvellous, n my most-favourite exams r drawing near, 3 wks time...

i haven had much slp lately, n altho i used to be able to last everyday on 5hrs of slp... i tink it's getting to me. i've been feeling so physically tired, dat i've been nodding off in lectures n tutorials. din help dat i hafta face pple's attitude oso... ok i still love her, n her. but praise God, i'm so glad i went, bcos i've been so blessed! it was a great time of good food, sharing n getting to noe each other, n of cos praise n worship! i was so stressed up (argh... okok. i admit it.) b4 i got there, but once i was there, everything juz faded away... we were on the roof of marine cove, so the cool sea breeze was blowing gently. closing my eyes, lifting my hands in worship... i could almost feel Him touching my face. i juz needed to hear again how much He's already done for me, dat there's nutting out of my fleshly being i can offer anymore... God gave up heaven's best for me, what more will He nt give to me? all i need to do is to rest n enjoy His perfect love... praise Jesus, bcos He has put on me the garments of praise for the spirit of heaviness!

WARNING to oppression: TOUCH NOT THE LORD'S ANNOINTED! hallelujah...

posted at 1:20 AM

Friday, September 03, 2004

juz got hme frm care grp at jonathan's hse... so kind of his family to open up their hse so many times for cg... his hse is, like, a 3-storey terrace (haha... we tink it's tall n big enuff to bungee...) n so comfy. his parents r wonderful pple, his bro is a talented guitarist, n his sis is juz so sweet. God bless their family... yup, anyway, it was a great time of learning tdy! God's peace juz enveloped the place, n i felt like God was embracing us... tdy was a session of quite a few new things. firstly, it was sian hwa n lynne sharing, nt zixin liao... i feel our cg is so honoured to haf them, 'cos both of them share in different ways, n we're all doubly blessed 'cos got double annointing! i dunno how to describe, but i juz feel like i was more open n received more during tdy's session. here's some sharing from sian hwa n lynne abt the amazing love of our Father...

God is love; if He ceases to love, He ceases to be God. know dat God loves me, Jesus is with me n in me always, n dat the whole of heaven is backing me up! whether we trust God anot, it dosen't change the fact dat God is forever in love wif us! juz like how a father sees his child doing wrong, he corrects him, bt he nv stopped loving his child... Jesus is head-over-heels in love wif each one of us!

God is the Potter, and we are the clay... He moulds us into beautiful vessels, n His fingerprints r all over us. do u noe dat everytime u feel ur face wif ur hand, u r feeling the hands of God? do u noe dat u r fitting ur hand into His n touching the wonderful masterpiece of the Creator of the heavens n the earth? He is dat close! how precious we r to Jesus, dat He gave His life for us... how much more will God wif Him freely gif us all things? praise Jesus!

posted at 11:57 PM

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

TP care group 
posted at 1:08 AM

juz came hme frm watching "catwoman" for free... haha. 8 free tix, sheryl took 5, so i invited shaidah n priyanka to watch wif me... well, it's quite an entertaining movie, tho a bit draggy. i like the egyptian mau. so cute. heh. but i gotta say, "the stepford wives" which i watched last wk... it was SO gd!! i can't help tinking abt it... love all the flowers n cupcakes n pretty hair n dresses... hurhur. it was a really gd plot, n nicole kidman is beautiful! wldn't mind watching it again...! (hint hint)

had lunch wif derek tdy... so farnie, he was helping me draw a sketch of raffles hotel for my tutorial (design student mah...), n i was helping him take pics of our travel agency for his project. like, doing each other's hw. hur. i enjoyed the lunch, got to noe some stuff abt myself which i needed to noe as well... like, he said when he first saw me in campus (church), he thot dat i was always looking so sad n he din dare tok to me. haha. when i heard dat, i was like, wow, first time someone voiced it in my face. it's prob wat everyone else felt abt me too. i agree wif him... so quickly one yr has passed. just last yr, i was crying to myself almost every night, overcome by loneliness n sudden bouts of depression, feeling deprived of wat i wanted... of cos, things din change overnight for me. it was up till as recently as just a month ago dat the truth finally dropped in my heart n set me free. i was depending too much on myself n relying on the security i thot i had in my frens way too much... i let my identity be determined by the frens around me n the grades dat i have. i cared too much abt wat other pple thot of me, n was too self-conscious. BUT today... let me juz speak for today. i m happy. i'm filled wif love, joy n hope. i haf peace. why? cos finally i realised dat Jesus qualified me for ALL blessings, incl love n favour, when He died for me on the cross! He is the only One who saw how ugly n pathetic i was, n yet truly loves me so much more than anyone on earth can, n He bore every stripe n the nails on the cross, juz for ME. man's love may fail me, but His love will NEVER, EVER let me down. i seriously dun care wat others tink abt me anymore, cos i noe all i wanna be is in His embrace. His love has set me free frm fear n depression, n He has blessed me so abundantly in life (n still is!) wif even a family of brothers n sisters who love n care for me... He has restored my family relationships, my finances n my studies. i haf no reason to be depressed cos He paid it all! praise Jesus for His love endures forever! i m the righteouness of God in Christ! n... i m happy...! =) He fills me wif His joy overflowing... i'm gonna let His radiance shine thru me (n my smiling face!) n dazzle the world for His glory, amen!

posted at 12:24 AM