Wednesday, April 28, 2004

sometimes i feel so at loss for wat to do. wat can i do to help? i've given up so much dat i love to do... n m trying to find ways to chip in. yet i can't help tinking of all the things i've wanted for so long, for myself n ofr some others. i noe, it's no use dwelling on such stuff. it's no use putting the blame on anyone or saying "he shld/shld haf done dat"... i see pressure being put on everone's shoulders at hme, but i thank God i'm nt under any... He is my refuge n my fortress, my God in Him i will trust. thank God He keeps me going... well, i'll give up anything if it keeps us together... but of cos i noe ultimately, it's nothing dat i do dat'll change anything, it's my Abba, n He is already willing... if He says it, i believe it n dat settles it!

look at the birds of the air, see how my Father feeds them... m i nt worth more than dey? of cos!! some things i haven't been able to express, my Father noes... n He adores me still! He is Jehovah Jireh!
posted at 11:59 PM

Friday, April 23, 2004

finally... i finished my exams!! 2 mths of slacking here i cum!!!! haha... yayyy... got so much i wanna do!! like... go around singapore trying food dat i've been dying to try for a long time!! like eating at one fullerton, crystal jade la mian xiao long bao, eating at stadium waterfront... *drool...* ok, juz tinking abt these is enuff lah. tink big mah. i juz added another to my list of "must-try"! n dat is... KATONG LAKSA!!! yup!!! hee~ i oso dunno y i juz love watching dat show... always look 4ward to 9pm u noe... like, i've been hme early for quite some time juz to catch it! gosh... watching it always makes me dream of laksa... n i haven even tried the holland v nasi lemak yet. heh heh... if dey really exist. hmm, but i always pass by katong in the bus den got so much gd food i wanna try!! *drool...* MUZ FIND ONE DAY!! heehee... meanwhile, satisfy my desire by watching the laksa show lor... it helps dat tay ping hui is SO hot! heh oops... he's like the most desirable guy man... n the little girl SHO... cute!! hah, nt say wat, but ma says look like me when i was young. heehee... *bat eyelashes* oohh... n i tink jeannette aw is my new fave actress. she's so smart n talented n pretty! if i rmbr correctly, she majored in theatre studies n psychology in nus n she's a ballerina n gymnast! so cool... n i tink i've told a thousand pple already dat i like her hair! hmm, yeah... but dun tink i can highlight mine... oh well.

argh. i've been eating like nbdy's business the past few mths... esp now i stopped netball training, my girth is enlarging!!! NOOOOOOO....!!! muz start an exercise regimen soon! a new me is on the way!! heh heh. again. but i start tmrw!! going east coast park wif cg... can't wait!!
posted at 11:52 PM

Saturday, April 17, 2004

wow... the praise n worship nite in the indoor stadium was amazing...! God was definitely in the midst of us! juz to revel in His love n presence... well, exams r nxt wk... grace grace. i dun feel the pressure, His grace is MORE THAN ENOUGH for me! after dat... 2 mths hols! yippee....! until den... i'll try to stdy!!
posted at 1:27 AM

Monday, April 12, 2004

The Passion of the Christ
wat more can i say... words r redundant when u see juz how much He loved us, has loved us, n always will love us. nobody forced Him to take up the cross, He did not choose to let this cup pass frm Him. instead He chose it, even tho' it meant dat He'd be separated frm His Father during the judgement of our sins. our sins, n nothing else, dat nailed him to the cross. every step He took, He nv stopped tinking of us. He saw me, He saw my face, n my salvation. He bore all the scourging, all the insults n mockery, all the pain... juz for us. juz for me. dat by His stripes I have healing n wholeness, dat thru His blood i have forgveness n righteousness, dat frm now on n evermore i m able approach His throne of mercy n find GRACE! n bcos He is risen, I have the victory in Him! Praise Jesus! a fresh new love came into my heart juz after the movie. of cos, however good the movie was, wat Jesus did was far much better. for He is perfect, n His work was perfected on the cross. i din cry bcos i imagined the pain. i cried bcos i imagined His love. He humbled Himself to be tortured as a condemned prisoner bcos He loves me so much! how can i still doubt dat He hu laid down His life for me will nt freely give me all things? too good to be true? YES, dat's my Father, dat's my Jesus!

yes, even the things dat i have lack of faith to believe in, He will build up my faith n fulfill His promise to me! AMEN!
posted at 1:48 AM

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

i juz got my pay 2 days ago… 120bux! nt much, but imagine my excitement when i saw it… i practically ran to TM to buy my clinique soap bar which ran out long ago n i had to suffer break-outs!! hah… felt really gd to be able to have money in my wallet n nt having to have thots go thru my mind on wat i can eat.

ydae ailing n me went to toa payoh central after sch at 5pm to buy contact lens. now i’m buying month by month… well anyway, i had a great time chatting wif her, but even tho i agree wif wat she’s feeling now, i can’t reveal mine to her… it’s quite difficult to hide, but… really, she can’t find out. we decided to go find zixin, fredrik n kevin at tiong bahru market for dinner. AND, i bought 3 boxes of DURIAN, actually juz wanting to bless them. but as i carried them around, i cldn’t help but regret buying, cos they were REALLY stinking n i felt so ah-ma carrying the ugly plastic bag around. nvm… the guys were nice enuff to finish a box for me. den one box i took hme one box i gave ailing.

=”( but there’s one incident dat happened last nite dat i can’t get over!! sob… after dinner we all actually went to the arcade at tiong bahru plaza, cos the guys wanted to play. so me n ailing juz sat around amusing ourselves looking at them play. AND THEN!!! hai. well, zixin was playing KOF n we were all watching on, n i juz so happened to recognize the game, cos alastair always toks to me abt it n i actually played wif him on PS mah… then fredrik heard n he told zixin n kevin, den zixin was like playing n saying at the same time dat he wanna challenge me!!! *SOB*!!! can u imagine my terror!! i was practically pleading wif them say dun want, say i really dunno how to play… i mean, i noe he was being really nice, like, want us to play oso, nt juz look at them, but… SOB. he put in the token for the opposite machine so i cld join in the game n challenge him! den ailing pull me go play… N I REALLY DUNNO HOW TO PLAY MAH! actually ailing played most of the game, cos i’m so sorry i pushed it to her. but the guys probably thot i was playing, n the fact is obviously we lost terribly. sob. so diu lian… i told alastair n he was laffing his head off, say if he was them he’d be laffing at me too, dunno noe act noe… but i told them i really dunno how to play mah!! hai… nvm. i shld so get over it. i’m a secure woman in God, n they’re humble men in Jesus too, so they’re nt laffing at me, n i’m nt feeling any embarrassment anymore frm now on! i already told my Father to remove any negative thots in their minds liao, n it shall be done!

i dunno if i’m being the super sensitive me again, dat i’m reading too much into it, or issit really dat maybe, i really do haf a chance. maybe i shldn’t say chance. my Father definitely has got a perfect plan for me, n it’s nt by chance. but… certain things were said, as if to let me noe. certain things were done dat made me feel like maybe… n sometimes it’s juz so nice when eyes meet. wat has been making me tink abt giving up, has now been clarified frm the very mouth i needed to hear frm. sure, but was wat was said really reflecting wat was the truth? argh. i shldn’t tink too much. it’s none of my concern. God is good all the time, n He is forever faithful. i lay this down at His feet, n since I’m His beloved, He’ll definitely noe wat’s best for me!

2 more days to “The Passion of the Christ”!!! i can’t wait!!

posted at 9:50 PM