Friday, November 28, 2003

ouch. dat's my knee. well, supernatural power (obviously God) has really been helping me the last few trainings, even tdy. we didn't get to run the reservoir 'cos it's been raining! muahahaha... i m greatly blessed, highly favored n deeply loved. of 'cos i can ask God for more of such things. heh.

but... hai~ i dun wanna say this to anybody (who needs to know), so i'll say it here. i have been praying for my knee to be healed, but i'm not sure whether i m, 'cos maybe i m, but it's just me? maybe i dun want it healed (in dat sense)? i've been less able to run my rounds or sprint during trainings, or even jump higher. i haven't told peijun, n i dunno how to. how do i tell her i have an ongoing injury, n ask for some leeway w/o appearing like a big shot asking for special attention? i thought i did get better, but now the pain is like, constant. even walking hurts again. i dun wanna go back for physio. i always feel my injury, actually when compared to others, is no big deal. but how do i make others see dat having burning pain in my knee all the time is not fun at all. i dun even dare to blade or ice-skate anymore... i noe dat i can end all this by quitting netball. really. sure, i'll miss playing. but right now, most of all, even if i can't really clique wif some of the netballers, i can't bear to leave them. more have left- fazillah, azlinah, sinping (who is MIA), n maybe even michelle (who hasn't shown up for the last 2 trainings). i dun wanna bring the spirit of the team down by giving up on them now too. but how. i'm not great in my netball skills, n i dun tink i can pull through another 2 n 1/2 yrs of trainings. still... the only person i mentioned abt it to was to bong. i noe it's unfair dat peijun dosen't noe... well, soon lah.

hai~ i'm so tired n so bored. everyday i'm out. whether issit trainings or alastair (u noe. he forever wants to go out.), or going down to jurong to play wif charis... the only days i look forwad to are fri, sat n sun when i go to church. i seem to be so occupied, but i dun feel fulfilment leh. i want to do so many things, but i dun rmbr wat they r, n i have no finances to fund them. (ok, i'm going thru a self-pity phase now.) growing up into an adult is... expensive, difficult, n well, uncertain.

the deadline for campus ministry camp is over. hai~ i wonder if i'll ever get to go, n also go to israel, egypt... all the places i want to. i keep dreaming of things i want to see happening in my life, n i wonder if they'll ever materialise. God, i'm so tired. sometimes i juz wanna go off to Bible school (Hillsong, my other dream) n wait for kingdom come. of 'cos i dun really mean it dat way... God, renew in me my faith to wait on u, n i noe U won't shortchange me!
posted at 1:50 AM

Monday, November 24, 2003

how pathetic can i get. i'm in tp library now typing in my blog. grrr. i hate my comp. n i only can use this comp for 1/2 hr session. *sob...*

hai~ n i'm waiting for netball training to start. i like to come for training, but i'm dreading the running. esp since i tink we're running round the reservoir again ltr!!! only supernatural power can keep my fats going round dat mass of water. ooh, but it's worth it! michelle actually came for training on thursday! serene said she's reconsidering her decision... well, i believe she noes wat she's doing. michelle's really a great, great friend... the netball team really treasures her, i know!

heh~ ydae, besides me, eunice n celine, sheryl, alastair n joanna also attended service with me! :) it was fun, a big group of us...

i'm so sian. nothing to do in the holidays!!
posted at 4:54 PM

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

argh!! my whole body is aching after netball training! yeah yeah.. i noe i was the one so enthu abt training up to have a shot at winning the next ivp... but imagine my horror when i was awoken by peijun's sms saying dat we had training ltr dat evening, n 2x a wk from now on! my gosh. i 've been stuffing myself with candy n what not, how to run!! *sob...* ok. so i turn up, n i see only 2 yr 3s n 2 yr 2s. most of the yr 1s turned up tho'. hai~ n michelle din turn up. i heard she's really intent on quitting. oh well, i will pray she finds her fulfilment in wat she does... ok anyway, we ran round bedok reservoir for WARM-UP! i like how long nv run can!! i stopped n walked-n-jogged abt 3km on. i prob arrived back 1/2 hr ltr than joanne, who was 1st. heh. whoa. den all dat drills n games... my thighs r so in pain. n i'm going swimming ltr sumore.

went for pacesetters bbq ydae. quite surprised to see less than half turned up. n i actually toked the most to... not a pacesetter. hardy's sister, livia (?). heh, she's only 12 but she toks like a 16 yr old! i tot she looked more indonesian than her bro, but surprisingly, she speaks more mandarin than english or malay. hah. so i tink i kinda outcasted myself by playing with her in the pool. she's real cute, tho' i had a hard time understanding her malaysian accented mandarin.

oh. n i give up finding a job. nbdy wants to hire only for a month. n i want to enjoy Christmas! n i will not sacrifice my fridays, saturdays n sundays on anything else bcos i wanna go church. sure. i want money, but i can claim dat from my abundantly wealthy Father. haha. :) ma still dosen't allow me to go for the church camp. n i noe my ma is how stubborn. but i really really wanna trust God! even if the deadline is this sunday...
posted at 12:04 PM

Friday, November 14, 2003

i'm still quite beat, even tho' i've been enjoying the past few days of holidays shopping non-stop (w/o munee to spend, of cos). celebrated alastair's bdae ydae n tdy wif lotsa good fun n fun! we went swimming ydae n i got quite tanned. n baby charis is SOOOO adorable! wish i could play wif her everyday!

being able to relax now... i kinda dread the next semester, having to slog for another 6 mths. the past 6 mths passed quickly, n i spent many happy moments... but i 'm tired. aiming for excellence is tiring. i noe i can try but i'm nt sure i want to. now i keep asking myself, y in the whole world did i commit myself to so many things. i feel so restricted, when all i sought was to be free. free frm others' expectations? or free frm my own? thin line. but i haf to do it to the end. i can't give up now.

my knees hurt. my already injured left knee is still hurting. i dunno y, 'cos my physiotherapists, doctors, and even steve n joseph, told me it would heal on its own if i stopped netball. ok, i didn't. but i'm nt active now wat. i'm nt hallucinating. it does hurt, like before. den now my right knee oso sometimes pain. ydae while swimming, there was an irritating clacking in my right patella. oh well. like i told yen sun, suffer in silence lor. i'm getting too heavy for my own good.

i hate my computer. this entry was made possible after 3 hrs of trying to connect to the internet.

in ending... praise God! 'cos i love my life still. my hope is in Him! :)
posted at 2:01 AM

Monday, November 10, 2003

hah. finally exams are over!! yayy... i guess it wasn't that bad. yeah. now i have all the time in the world (ok, maybe juz 2 months) to do wateva i want! i want to travel! i want to dance! i want to shop! heh heh. yeah rite. no munee. i'm hestitant on calling chan bros, which ms ivy tan helped us contact, for a part-time job. face it, i'm lazy. i want munee, nt work. urgh. i shall make myself call soon.

hai~ i asked ma 2x n she still dun let me go terranganu(?) for the campus ministry camp. but the care group prayed for me! hmm. it's really how much i want to go, n how much i dare ask for God's blessing. hee. so... i have to work! to get the munee to go! n also if i wanna go backpacking with... alastair, no less. hah. only he got munee mah. oh well. i shall call now. i shall not be a backboneless sotong.
posted at 2:51 PM

Sunday, November 02, 2003

i'm sooo.... erm. i'm so not supposed to be here! i shld be pia-ing! but i fell aslp wif an open bk in my lap juz now. so i noe i'm REALLY bored. i NV fall aslp in the afternn. oh well. exams start tmrw... lift them up to the LORD man! He has done EVERYTHING for me at the cross! even my exam grades r all in His hands! praise God... if not i'd be screwing my hair off now...
we actually made it for 1st service tdy! incredible! love the service! tinking of doing this every wk, but wake up 6.30am again on sundays... heh. no joke man. i supposed to meet eunice at 7.30 i woke at 7.10. n i was on time. hah. i'm getting better at this! hee~
well... like saying this helps... I CAN"T WAIT FOR THE WEEK TO BE OVER! bwahaha... then i can do WHATEVER i want! bwahaha... of 'cos, no $ no tok. must find job 1st.
posted at 9:17 PM